Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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