I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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