Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As shirtless as possible
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
