Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
