That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
