The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
