I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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