How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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