i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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