I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
