In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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