So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
