There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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