@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
