I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
