Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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