If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
