The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
