Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
