While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize