Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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