This girl is more easily done than said...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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