I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
