im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
