If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
