Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
