you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
