Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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