I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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