3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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