I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
