I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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