So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
