Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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