you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
