She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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