just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
