My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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