omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
