John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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