I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
