Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
