Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize