I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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