it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
