you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
