yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
