My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
