Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
