My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
