Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
