dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
