I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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