the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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