He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Pooping to opera.
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