She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
