What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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