Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
