i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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