PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
