my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
