Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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