I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
