so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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