you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
