just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
