I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
