hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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