Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
