Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize