Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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