Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
