when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
