My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
