You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
