My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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