new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
