i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize