im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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