I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we should paint friendship bongs
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