im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
