nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
