If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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