she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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