Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
