I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
