somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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