why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pooping to opera.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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