This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
