if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
