I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
