Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
