in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
