Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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