Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
