My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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