dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
