The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
