Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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