Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
