just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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