i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
