Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
