At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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