I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
