Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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