Need sex. Gaining weight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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