I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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